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Messages - ♥♣ ~Maynard~♣♥

1
Tell us your favorite Joke / The new priest
« on: February 17, 2013, 10:59:35 PM »


The new priest

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A new priest, born and raised in Texas, comes to serve in a city parish and is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.

The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying things like 'yes, I see,' and 'yes, go on,' and 'I understand.'

The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.

The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, "No s---, what happened next?"

2


Westboro leader quits and apologizes for church's activities

For story and video click link
http://www.ky3.com/news/kwch-jcg-westboro-leader-quits-and-apologizes-for-churchs-activities-20130206,0,5899977.story

3






 

Man accidentally shoots himself in the leg at Fort Leonard Wood
 
 
Doug Owen, KY3 News KY3 News
5:26 p.m. CST, February 8, 2013
FORT LEONARD WOOD. Mo. -- A man accidentally shot himself in the leg with his own gun on Fort Leonard Wood on Friday afternoon.

It happened at the post commissary.

The 72-year old man was taken by ambulance to the community hospital on the post.  Nobody else was hurt.


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Officials say he was carrying a concealed weapon he had not registered with Fort Leonard Wood.  No word yet on if he could be in trouble for carrying the unauthorized gun.

4
Local News / CROCKER CITY COUNCIL OKAYS SCHOOL RESOURCE OFFICER
« on: February 06, 2013, 07:48:06 PM »
 
 
 
  Posted: Wednesday, 06 February 2013 11:00AM

  CROCKER CITY COUNCIL OKAYS SCHOOL RESOURCE OFFICER

   
(CROCKER)--WITH THE SUPPORT OF THE CROCKER SCHOOL BOARD AND THE CROCKER POLICE DEPARTMENT, THE CROCKER CITY COUNCIL TUESDAY NIGHT APPROVED A NEWLY CREATED POSITION OF SCHOOL RESOURCE OFFICER FOR THE CROCKER SCHOOLS.
POLICE CHIEF CHRIS TWITCHEL SAYS THE POSITION WILL PROMOTE A SAFER SCHOOL ENVIRONMENT.


 right-click to download mp3   


INTERESTED APPLICANTS FOR THE SCHOOL RESOURCE OFFICER MUST BE POST CERTIFIED IN THE STATE OF MISSOURI, PRIOR EXPERIENCE PREFERED, HAVE A CLEAN BACKGROUND, AND BE OF GOOD MORAL STANDING. STARTING PAY WILL BE $12.50 TO $13 A HOUR, BUT SALARY IS BASED ON EXPERIENCE. THE POSITION COMES WITH PAID HEALTH INSURANCE, LAGARS RETIREMENT, AND LIFE INSURANCE.
APPLICANTS CAN SUBMIT RESUMES TO THE CROCKER POLICE DEPARTMENT BY FEBRUARY 13TH WITH INTERVIEWS BEING HELD ON FEBRUARY 15TH.
From KJPW news

5
Local News / Cabool Man Accused of Trying to Meet Minor for Sex
« on: February 06, 2013, 02:57:07 AM »


Cabool Man Accused of Trying to Meet Minor for Sex
By: David Oliver
Updated: February 5, 2013 
 
CABOOL, Mo. -- A Texas County man is charged with trying to meet a teenage girl for sex.

Scott Baker, 45, was arrested Monday following an investigation by the Texas County Sheriff, Missouri State Highway Patrol, Cabool Police Department, and Missouri Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force.

Wayne Becker, special investigator with the Computer Crime Task Force tells KOLR10 News Baker was texting a 14-year-old girl and wanted to meet her for sex.

The girl's mother found the messages and called the sheriff. An undercover deputy then continued the texting and Baker was arrested when he showed up at the victim's home in Cabool.

Baker is facing charges of Enticement of a Child and Furnishing of Pornographic Materials to a Minor. He's held in Texas County Jail in lieu of $1 million bond.

http://ozarksfirst.com/fulltext?nxd_id=763632

6
Local News / Woman reported missing last January is found in St. Louis area
« on: February 06, 2013, 02:06:41 AM »



Woman reported missing last January is found in St. Louis area
Song Lauer was found living in the St. Louis area.
  Comments 0 27
Topics
St. Louis
Posted by Chris Brewer / Digital Media Editor
 
E-mail: cbrewer@schurz.com / Twitter: @iamchrisbrewer
 
KY3 News
 
7:25 a.m. CST, February 5, 2013
ST. ROBERT, Mo. - A woman reported missing from St. Robert one year ago has been found in the St. Louis area.

In a news release, the Pulaski County Sheriff's Office reported that Song Lauer had been reported missing by friends last January and had not been seen or heard from since.



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Deputies reopened the case, and eventually they were led to east Missouri. Authorities found Lauer living in the St. Louis area.

A second woman, Michelle Henri-Crossland, was reported missing in 2004 and still has not been found. Pulaski County deputies ask anyone with information on Henri-Crossland's whereabouts to call them at (573) 774-6196 or contact a local law enforcement agency.

http://www.ky3.com/news/ky3-woman-reported-missing-last-january-is-found-in-st-louis-area-20130205,0,722642.story

7
 
 
 Officials: Hostage standoff ends with child rescued, kidnapper dead  By Victor Blackwell, Martin Savidge and Carol Cratty, CNN updated 6:10 PM EST, Mon February 4, 2013    Watch this video   Official: Hostage suspect is dead   STORY HIGHLIGHTS
  • NEW: FBI says child was rescued after negotiators felt he was in danger
  • Boy has been taken to a hospital in Dothan, state legislator said
  • Witness said he heard explosion followed by gunshots
Midland City, Alabama (CNN) -- A 5-year-old child abducted from a school bus six days ago is safe and his kidnapper is dead, ending a nearly week-long ordeal for a little boy, his family and a small Alabama town.
The child appeared to be OK when he was freed, law enforcement officials said. Alabama state Rep. Steve Clouse told CNN that the boy was taken to a hospital in nearby Dothan.
FBI Special Agent in Charge Steve Richardson at the scene said negotiations had broken down with the child's abductor and the kidnapper was "observed holding a gun."
Believing the child to be in imminent danger, an FBI team entered the bunker at 3:12 p.m. CT (4:12 p.m. ET) and rescued the boy, Richardson said, adding that the hostage-taker is dead.
One neighbor said he was outside when he was startled by the sound of an explosion.
"I heard a big boom and then ... I believe I heard rifle shots," said Bryon Martin, who owns a home near the bunker where the boy had been held since Tuesday.
It was a loud noise that "made me jump off the ground," he said.
Last Tuesday, police said, Jimmy Lee Dykes boarded a Dale County school bus and demanded the driver hand over two children.
   Suspect Jimmy Lee Dykes, 65, is a Vietnam War veteran and retired truck driver.  Suspect Jimmy Lee Dykes, 65, is a Vietnam War veteran and retired truck driver.     Watch this video  Fmr. negotiator: Chances are good      Watch this video  Child may have bonded with abductor  The driver, Charles Albert Poland Jr., refused, blocking access to the bus's narrow aisle as at least 21 children escaped out of the back emergency door, authorities said.
The gunman killed Poland, then grabbed a kindergartner before barricading himself and the boy inside a nearby bunker he had built.
In the ensuing days, officials said little about what was going on in the bunker or in their strategy, or what -- if anything -- Dykes wanted.
"Based on our discussions with Mr. Dykes, he feels like he has a story that's important to him, although it's very complex," Dale County Sheriff Wally Olson said Monday before the hostage situation ended. He didn't elaborate.
The boy suffers from Asperger's syndrome and attention deficit disorder, Clouse said during the week.
Dykes told authorities that he had blankets and a heater in the bunker, and authorities have previously said the bunker -- built 4 feet underground -- has electricity.
Authorities did not say how they were communicating with Dykes.
Meanwhile, residents and business owners in Midland City put up blue, red and black ribbons in support of the boy and Poland. Blue and red are the local school colors, and black is in honor of the slain bus driver.
The U.S. Navy confirmed Monday that Dykes served in the military from 1964 to 1969.
Naval records list him as an aviation maintenance administrationman third-class who served with units based in California and Atsugi, Japan. The job entails clerical work related to aircraft and aircraft maintenance, according to the Navy's job description.
Neighbors and officials had described Dykes as a survivalist with "anti-government" views.
Even as the hostage situation continued Monday morning, plenty of police were on hand as schools in neighboring Ozark, Alabama, reopened for the first time since the incident began.
Dale County schools remained closed but were to reopen on Tuesday, the district said.
In Ozark, school officials decided to begin strictly enforcing a 15-foot safety zone around school buses required by state law. The law prohibits any unauthorized adults, including parents, from approaching within 15 feet of a school bus stop. If an unauthorized adult gets too close, bus drivers are supposed to close bus doors or drive away, if necessary, school officials said.
The abduction had rattled the nerves of many parents, said Rebecca Jules-McQuet, whose 5-year-old daughter returned to school Monday.
"You think about it every night when you go to bed that that little boy is not in his bed, with his mom and dad," she said. "It's heart-wrenching.

8




 

Two hurt when man rams car into Lebanon pawn shop after argument over gun sale

Related
 Photos: Picture Gallery: Police say man drives into Lebanon, Missouri pawn shop over gun sale dispute
 Photo: Man rams store with car after argument over gun sale
 Photo: Man rams store with car after argument over gun sale
 Photo: Lebanon pawn Doug Owen and Jerry Jacob, KY3 News KY3 News
4:40 p.m. CST, February 1, 2013
LEBANON, Mo. -- Police say two people were hurt when a man drove a car into a pawn shop after a dispute over a gun sale Friday afternoon.

It happened at Rawhide Gun and Pawn on Commercial Street in downtown Lebanon.   

Police tell KY3 that 29-year-old James Jacoby of Lebanon had been in the shop moments before and began arguing with employees who wouldn't let him make a transaction involving a gun.   


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The man went outside, got into an early 90's model Cadillac Seville owned by his mother, and drove it into the pawn shop, hitting and injuring two people.   Jacoby then backed the car out of the building and ran off.  He was captured by Lebanon Police a short time later and jailed.  Police say he will face charges Saturday.

The two people inside the store at the time suffered minor injuries and were treated at Mercy Hospital.

Friday night the store front was boarded up, but there remained broken glass and other damage inside the building.  The store owner, one of the two people injured, was back in the pawn shop Friday night.  He confirmed to KY3 News that it was a failed ATF background check that set off Jacoby and prompted his violent reaction.



Nope you don't ned a gun, just run them over

http://www.ky3.com/news/ky3-man-rams-car-into-lebanon-pawn-shop-after-dispute-over-gun-sale-20130201,0,5840164.story


9
Hmmm... I did not realize that cartoons could be considered child porn.
I'm with you littlebit, also How do you judge the ages in a cartoon???

10

Man from Monett goes to prison after wife found child porn on computer









 edited news release from the U.S. Attorney's Office, Western District of Missouri KY3 News 4:16 p.m. CST, January 28, 2013


SPRINGFIELD, Mo. – A man from Monett was sentenced in federal court on Monday for possessing cartoons that depicted child pornography. Christjan Bee, 36, received a three-year in federal prison sentence without parole, followed by five years of supervised release.
Last Oct. 15, Bee pleaded guilty to possessing an obscene image of the sexual abuse of children. The pornographic cartoon, which depicted children engaging in sexual behavior, is categorized as obscene and therefore illegal. The original indictment, which charged Bee with receiving child pornography, was dismissed on Monday as part of the plea agreement.
On Aug. 8, 2011, Bee’s wife contacted the Monett Police Department and reported she found files she believed to be child pornography on a computer used by her husband. Police officers executed a search warrant at Bee’s home and seized his computer.
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During the forensic examination of Bee’s computer, a collection of electronic comics, entitled “incest comics,” were discovered on the computer. These comics contained multiple images of minors engaging in graphic sexual intercourse with adults and other minors. The depictions clearly lack any literary, artistic, political or scientific value.
The Southwest Missouri Cybercrimes Task Force and the Monett Police Department investigated this case.

Project Safe Childhood
This case was brought as part of Project Safe Childhood, a nationwide initiative launched in May 2006 by the Department of Justice to combat the growing epidemic of child sexual exploitation and abuse. Led by the United States Attorneys' Offices and the Criminal Division's Child Exploitation and Obscenity Section, Project Safe Childhood combines federal, state, and local resources to locate, apprehend, and prosecute individuals who sexually exploit children, and to identify and rescue victims. For more information about Project Safe Childhood, visit www.usdoj.gov/psc . For more information about Internet safety education, visit www.usdoj.gov/psc and click on the tab "resources."
Does this bother anybody but me?
How many wives are reading this and are thinking this is how I can get rid of the rotton SOB I married, Just dig up some child porn on "HIS" computer and turn him in 

11
 
 
 Drunk drives half-car with dead friend after crash Posted on January 22, 2013 by maxkeiser| 31 Comments   
 
After a car crash in the Russian city of Yaroslavl, a drunken man continued at the wheel as if nothing had happened at all. The driver ignored the fact that his vehicle had been practically torn into two and his passenger on the rear seat was killed.
On Saturday morning two buddies working together in a company in Yaroslavl came to work still high from yesterday’s drinking marathon. Their boss refused to admit them to work, telling both to go home and sleep it off.
Instead of using public transport, the couple got into an old Toyota Corolla and started to drive homeward.
The 36-year-old driver made no allowance for his condition and after some time of reckless driving and speeding crashed right into the front of a small bus carrying some 20 passengers. The crash happened downtown on the Dobryninsky Bridge.
The bus sustained considerable damage, though the passengers remained luckily unhurt. The 33-year-old passenger in the car was killed. The rear part of Toyota Corolla was actually torn off the chassis.
The driver of the car was so drunk, so scared or both that he opted not to stop and drove more than 5km more down the road, eventually colliding with a Subaru at a crossroad.
Witnesses to the accident were shocked at the scene of a pile of scrap continuing on its way and phoned police to make the zombie vehicle stop. Vigilant citizens made a number of calls reporting of demolished car’s progress.
Finally, police arrested the driver in a courtyard further down the road where the man drove to abandon the remnants of the vehicle.
Police officers found that the man was so drunk he could barely walk, let alone to drive a car. The body of his unfortunate friend was extracted from the debris of the ruined vehicle.
The driver was toxicologically examined, interrogated, but later on he was allowed to go home because a sobering-up center in Yaroslavl no longer exists, Life News reported.
But what really bewildered experienced police officers was the remains of the car, which continued to drive despite looking like a pile of metal scraps, with reportedly only one detail remaining fully intact – the driver’s seat.
>http://maxkeiser.com/2013/01/22/drunk-drives-half-car-with-dead-friend-after-crash/
Watch the video
Makes me want to buy a Toyota.
This is sureal0

12
 
 
 
 

 UPDATE: Officers capture two of 3 wanted men in Pulaski County Kevin Keeling, 52, surrendered to deputies and police officers serving a warrant at a home in Waynesville on Wednesday evening. Thursday morning, officers took Ryan Kelley into custody at a local business.         UPDATE: Officers capture two of 3 wanted men in Pulaski County  Posted by Chris Brewer, Digital Media Editor cbrewer@schurz.com KY3 News 8:35 a.m. CST, January 24, 2013   WAYNESVILLE, Mo. -- Two of three fugitives being sought by Pulaski County law enforcement are behind bars today.
Pulaski County Chief Deputy John Groves said Kevin Keeling, 52, surrendered to Pulaski County deputies and Waynesville police serving a warrant at 5:15 p.m. at a home in Waynesville.
Officers took Keeling into custody without incident, Groves said.  He was wanted on drug warrants and has an extensive criminal background.
   
  • Related
  • Pulaski County sheriff seeks information on 3 fugitives Story: Pulaski County sheriff seeks information on 3 fugitives
 

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 In an update Thursday, Sheriff Ron Long said Ryan Kelley, 31, was taken into custody without incident at a business in St. Robert. A woman with Kelley was also arrested.
All three are in the Pulaski County Jail.
Pulaski County deputies are still seeking information on Stephen Klasing. Klasing is wanted for felony drug charges in Pulaski County and is also a federal fugitive.
Klasing has an extensive criminal background and should be considered armed and dangerous. The Pulaski County Sheriff's Office asks the public to call them at (573) 774-6196 if anyone has information on Klasing.
http://www.ky3.com/news/ky3-kevin-keeling-authorities-capture-one-of-three-wanted-men-in-waynesville-20130124,0,7544796.story

13
Local News / Pulaski County sheriff seeks information on 3 fugitives
« on: January 23, 2013, 07:33:59 PM »





 

Pulaski County sheriff seeks information on 3 fugitives



 
Sheriff in Waynesville seeks information on 3 men (January 23, 2013)
 

edited news release KY3 News
1:01 p.m. CST, January 23, 2013
WAYNESVILLE, Mo. -- The Pulaski County Sheriff’s Department asks for the public’s help in catching three fugitives believed to be in the area.  These individuals are:

Ryan Kelley, 31, 6-foot-1, 190 pounds, brown hair, blue eyes, usually wears a baseball cap; Ryan has multiple felony arrest warrants for burglary and firearm-related crimes in Pulaski County; he has an extensive criminal background, and should be considered “armed and dangerous.”
Kevin Keeling, 52, 5-foot-8, 185 pounds, brown hair, blue eyes, possibly have a beard/mustache; he is wanted for felony drug charges in Pulaski County; he has an extensive criminal background.
Stephen Klasing, 31, 6-foot-3, 210 pounds, brown hair, green eyes, multiple scars and “gold capped” front teeth; he is wanted for felony drug charges in Pulaski County, and is also a federal fugitive; he has an extensive and violent criminal background, and should be considered dangerous.

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You can contact the Pulaski County Sheriff’s Department at (573) 774-6196 or another law enforcement agency if you have knowledge of where these men might be.

http://www.ky3.com/news/ky3-pulaski-county-sheriff-seeks-information-on-3-fugitives-20130123,0,5201235.story
For photo's click on link

14
State News / MAN CHARGED FOR DEADLY WRECK
« on: January 21, 2013, 08:19:36 PM »






Posted: Monday, 21 January 2013 6:00AM


MAN CHARGED FOR DEADLY WRECK






A MOUNTAIN GROVE MAN IS CHARGED WITH THE DEATH OF A KIRBYVILLE WOMAN WHOSE VEHICLE HE RAN OFF THE ROAD DECEMBER 30TH. THE HIGHWAY PATROL SAYS 36-YEAR OLD CHRISTOPHER FIELDS WAS ARRESTED SUNDAY MORNING. TROOPERS ARMED WITH 2 FELONY WARRANTS FROM THE WRIGHT COUNTY SHERIFF'S OFFICE TOOK FIELDS INTO CUSTODY, WHO IS HELD IN THE WRIGHT COUNTY JAIL. FIELDS IS CHARGED WITH INVOLUNTARY MANSLAUGHTER AND LEAVING THE SCENE OF AN ACCIDENT.

TROOPERS SAY FIELDS' WESTBOUND VAN STRUCK THE REAR OF A WESTBOUND PICKUP DRIVEN BY 27-YEAR OLD ASHLEY HARPER AT 2:00AM, DECEMBER 30TH. HARPER'S VEHICLE LEFT HIGHWAY-60 NEAR NORWOOD, STRUCK A DIRT EMBANKMENT AND OVERTURNED NUMEROUS TIMES, EJECTING HER FROM THE WRECKAGE. FIELDS THEN FLED THE SCENE ON FOOT, BUT WAS ARRESTED A SHORT TIME LATER. HARPER WAS PRONOUNCED DEAD IN A SPRINGFIELD HOSPITAL ABOUT AN HOUR AFTER THE WRECK.

http://myozarksonline.com/pages/15323127.php?contentType=4&contentId=12233477

15
Local News / BREAK IN TOWER ROAD
« on: January 21, 2013, 08:08:29 PM »
 
 
 
 
  Posted: Monday, 21 January 2013 12:30PM

  BREAK IN TOWER ROAD

   
APPROXIMATELY $14-HUNDRED-DOLLARS WORTH OF PROPERTY WAS REPORTED STOLEN FROM A BUILDING IN THE 800 BLOCK OF TOWER ROAD IN LEBANON. THE OUT OF TOWN PROPERTY OWNER REPORTED THAT HE HAD STORED SEVERAL ITEMS IN THE BUILDING WHILE HE WAS REMODELING. HE SAID THAT BETWEEN JANUARY 10TH AND 18TH, SOMEONE ENTERED THE BUILDING AND STOLE SEVERAL HAND AND POWER TOOLS, A GENERATOR, A WASHER AND A DRYER. HE TOLD OFFICERS THAT IT APPEARED THE BURGLAR MAY HAVE GOTTEN INSIDE BY PRYING ON THE BACK DOOR. THE INVESTIGATION IS CONTINUING. http://myozarksonline.com/pages/15326515.php?contentType=4&contentId=12235609

16
Local News / UNLAWFUL RESTRAINT
« on: January 21, 2013, 07:59:59 PM »
 
 
 
 
 UNLAWFUL RESTRAINT


   A STRANGE EMAIL PROMPTED A FRIEND TO CALL POLICE ABOUT A WOMAN THAT SHE BELIEVED MIGHT BE IN DANGER. WHEN LEBANON POLICE OFFICERS WENT TO THE HOME ON KASEN STREET AND MADE CONTACT WITH THE VICTIM, IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT SHE WAS BEING HELD AGAINST HER WILL. THE VICTIM'S HUSBAND HAD ALLEGEDLY CUT THE PHONE LINE, DISABLED HER CAR AND SMASHED THE VICTIM'S CELL PHONE. THE VICTIM SAID THE MAN HAD THREATENED TO KILL HER IF SHE ATTEMPTED TO LEAVE.    AMONG OTHER CHARGES, THE MAN COULD BE CHARGED WITH UNLAWFUL RESTRAINT. http://myozarksonline.com/pages/15326691.php?contentType=4&contentId=12235747

17
Tell us your favorite Joke / I want to be a Monk
« on: January 20, 2013, 10:40:42 PM »





*A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery.. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" *
 
 
 
*The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard . The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you because you're not a monk." *
 
 
 
*The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in  front of the same monastery. *
 
 
 
*The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.. *
 
 
*That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier. *
 
 
 
 
*The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply, *
*"We can't tell you because you're not a monk." *
 
 
 
 
*The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know. *
*If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?" *
 
 
 
*The monks reply, "You must travel the Earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk." *
 
 
*The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of  the monastery. He says, "I have travelled the Earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and
231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth. *
 
 
 
*The monks reply, "Congratulations, you are correct, and you are now considered a monk. *
*We shall now show you the way to the sound." *
 
 
 
*The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door. *
 
 
 
*The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, "May I have the key?" *
 
 
 
*The monks  give him the key, and he opens the door. *
 
 
 
 
*Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone... The man requests the key to the stone door. *
 
 
 
*The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire . And so it went on until the man had gone through doors of emerald,.... *
 
 
 
 
 
*....silver, topaz, and amethyst. *
 
 
 
 
*Finally, the monks say, "This is the key to the last  door." *
 
 
 
 
*The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight .... *
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
*.... But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk. *
 
 
 
 
*DON'T SWEAR AT ME; *
*I'M STILL HUNTING FOR THE IDIOT WHO STARTED THIS! * 

18
Tell us your favorite Joke / Funny stuff
« on: January 19, 2013, 11:53:52 PM »
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.
 
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!
 
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.
 
A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!
 
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
 
I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.
 
If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
 
I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'
 
I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.
 
I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
 
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
 
I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
 
The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
 
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.
 
I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.
 
My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.
 
My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from Chicago last night.
 
My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of had anything to play with.

19
Local News / MANAGED TURKEY HUNTS
« on: January 19, 2013, 08:00:42 PM »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MANAGED TURKEY HUNTS








TURKEY HUNTERS HAVE UNTIL FEBRUARY 28TH TO APPLY FOR MANAGED HUNTS DURING MISSOURI'S 2013 SPRING TURKEY HUNTING SEASON. A LIST OF ALL MANAGED TURKEY HUNTS AND APPLICATION INSTRUCTIONS ARE AVAILABLE ON THE MISSOURI DEPARTMENT OF CONSERVATION WEBSITE.

IN ADDITION TO 10 HUNTS OPEN TO ALL FIREARMS TURKEY HUNTERS THIS YEAR, LACLEDE COUNTY CONSERVATION AGENT WALT HUTTON SAYS THIS YEAR'S OFFERINGS INCLUDE A MANAGED HUNT FOR ARCHERS, 7-HUNTS FOR YOUTH AGES 11 THROUGH 15, AND ONE HUNT FOR PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES. HUTTON SAYS MANAGED HUNTS WILL TAKE PLACE DURING THE YOUTH TURKEY SEASON, APRIL 6TH AND 7TH, OR THE REGULAR TURKEY SEASON, APRIL 15TH THROUGH MAY 5TH....




right-click to download mp3

HUTTON SAYS PARTICIPATION IN MANAGED TURKEY HUNTS IS FREE, AND HUNTERS MAY APPLY FOR ONLY ONE HUNT. PARTICIPANTS IN SOME HUNTS MUST COMPLETE A PRE-HUNT ORIENTATION, AND SHOULD NOT APPLY FOR THESE HUNTS IF THEY CAN NOT ATTEND THE ORIENTATION.

THE BAG LIMIT FOR MANAGED HUNTS IS ONE MALE TURKEY OR A TURKEY WITH A VISABLE BEARD. HUTTON SAYS TURKEYS TAKEN DURING A MANAGED HUNT COUNT TOWARD THE SEASON LIMIT OF TWO. HE SAYS HUNTERS WHO SHOOT A TURKEY DURING A MANAGED HUNT BEFORE APRIL 23RD MAY NOT TAKE ANOTHER TURKEY DURING THE FIRST WEEK OF THE REGULAR TURKEY SEASON. ALL-TERRAIN VEHICLES ARE PROHIBITED ON AREAS WITH MANAGED TURKEY HUNTS.
http://myozarksonline.com/pages/1531...entId=12227338

20
State News / Legislators load up for gun battle
« on: January 19, 2013, 07:45:36 PM »


Legislators load up for gun battle

Missouri joins other states in trying to deny feds the right to enforce firearms laws




 
Rep. Sandy Crawford











Posted: Friday, January 18, 2013 11:49 am
Legislators load up for gun battle By Ken York The Daily Record kyork@lebanondailyrecord.com Lebanon Daily Record | 0 comments
Lebanon’s two representatives in the Missouri House have joined their colleagues in opposing federal regulation of firearms that are owned or manufactured in the state.
Rep. Sandy Crawford, R-129th District, and Rep. Diane Franklin, R-123rd District, are cosponsors of a bill that would make any federal gun rules or laws unenforceable in Missouri.
For the full story click link
http://www.lebanondailyrecord.com/ne...a4bcf6878.html

21
State News / Rep. Jo Ann Emerson likely will resign next week
« on: January 19, 2013, 07:19:55 PM »
 
 
Rep. Jo Ann Emerson likely will resign next week







 



by The Associated Press AP 10:49 p.m. CST, January 18, 2013


JEFFERSON CITY, Mo. -- The office of Congresswoman Jo Ann Emerson says her resignation is likely to come Tuesday.

Emerson announced in December that she would resign in February to take a job as president and CEO of the National Rural Electric Cooperative Association. She later said that she was willing to move up her departure date if it would help speed up the process for selecting a replacement.

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Under state law, political party committees are to meet within two weeks of being notified of a vacancy to select their nominees for a special election. That election date will be set by the governor.

A candidates' forum Thursday night in Cape Girardeau drew about a dozen Republicans hoping to replace Emerson.

22
 
I know the Tator family
Dick Tater, Sweet Tater,  Speck Tater,  and Emma Tater
Oh I almost forgot about the Common Tator :jester:
 
 

23
National Political Opinion / Obama stamp ....
« on: January 17, 2013, 02:32:54 PM »
Obama stamp ....  I heard yesterday that the USPS had issued a special Obama stamp. However, they started getting complaints right away that the new stamp wouldn't stick. Obama told them that this needed to be looked into, to determine what the problem was, so he appointed a special task force to find out what was wrong - after just a few days, they came back with their findings:

1. The stamps themselves were fine.

2 There was nothing wrong with the adhesive.

3. They concluded that the people were just spitting on the wrong side.

24
 
 
 Other Tyrants Who Have Used Children As Props   
  •   The Alex Jones ChannelAlex Jones Show podcastPrison Planet TVInfowars.com TwitterAlex Jones' FacebookInfowars store
  Infowars.com
January 16, 2013

Obama’s shameless exploitation of children as set pieces is hardly new or original. In fact, tyrants and dictators have used kids as props down through the ages.
Here are a few more recent examples:
The Soviet Union’s Joseph Stalin

China’s Mao Zedong

Germany’s Adolf Hitler

Cuba’s Fidel Castro

North Korea’s Kim Il-sung

Venezuela’s Hugo Chávez

Dictator Obama Exploiting the Children for Executive Action on Gun Control
Obama Exploits Children for Executive Action Press Conference on Gun Control
   Similar/Related Articles
 
 
This article was posted: Wednesday, January 16, 2013 at 4:39 pm
http://www.infowars.com/other-tyrants-who-have-used-children-as-props/

25
Local News / MARIES COUNTY CHASE AND ARREST
« on: January 16, 2013, 04:00:06 AM »
 
 
Tuesday, 15 January 2013 11:40AM


  MARIES COUNTY CHASE AND ARREST

   

A DIXON MAN HAS BEEN CHARGED WITH NUMEROUS OFFENSES IN MARIES COUNTY, FOLLOWING A VEHICLE CHASE LAST WEDNESDAY EVENING. MARIES COUNTY SHERIFF CHRIS HEITMAN SAID DEPUTY JASON COMSTOCK OBSERVED A VEHICLE THAT MATCHED THE DESCRIPTION OF A STOLEN VEHICLE OUT OF DIXON TRAVELING ON HIGHWAY 133. THE DEPUTY ATTEMPTED TO STOP THE VEHICLE AND THE DRIVER FLED AT A HIGH RATE OF SPEED REACHING SPEEDS OF APPROXIMATELY 100 MPH ON HIGHWAY 133.
AFTER THE THE PURSUIT CONTINUED AT A HIGH RATE OF SPEED ONTO MARIES COUNTY ROAD 619 THE DRIVER OF THE VEHICLE THEN PLACED HIS VEHICLE INTO REVERSE AND STRUCK THE PATROL VEHICLE, THEN STRUCK A FENCE. THE SUSPECTS VEHICLE HAD LOST A TIRE AND THE DRIVER FLED ON FOOT INTO THE WOODED AREA. THE DEPUTY GAVE CHASE AND APPREHENDED THE DRIVER IDENTIFIED AS BRANDON VEASMAN OF DIXON. AT THE TIME OF THE INCIDENT, VEASMAN WAS OUT ON BOND FOR BURGLARY 2ND DEGREE CHARGES , AND ON PAROLE FOR BURGLARY AND FORGERY.
DEPUTIES LOCATED NUMEROUS ITEMS RELATED TO THE MANUFACTURE OF METHAMPHETAMINE, AND SEVERAL ITEMS OF DRUG PARAPHERNALIA INSIDE THE VEHICLE. THE METH LAB COMPONENTS WERE SEIZED BY MEMBERS OF THE LAKE AREA NARCOTICS ENFORCEMENT GROUP.
VEASMAN WAS TAKEN TO THE MARIES COUNTY JAIL AND CHARGED WITH: FELONY ASSAULT ON A LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER, RESISTING ARREST, FELONY TAMPERING WITH A MOTOR VEHICLE, FELONY UNLAWFUL USE OF DRUG PARAPHERNALIA, FELONY POSSESSION OF ANHYDROUS AMMONIA IN A NON-APPROVED CONTAINER. VEASMAN REMAINS IN THE MARIES COUNTY JAIL ON $195,000.00 BOND.
SHERIFF HEITMAN SAID �VEASMAN IS A TEN TIME CONVICTED FELON, AND AT SOME POINT YOU HAVE SO SAY �WHEN IS ENOUGH�ENOUGH,� I HOPE CONSIDERING HIS EXTENSIVE CRIMINAL HISTORY AND THE DANGER OF THESE LAST ACTS THAT THE JUSTICE SYSTEM WILL HAND DOWN VERY HARSH PUNISHMENTS.�

26
Local News / ADDITIONAL WAYNESVILLE CITY FILING
« on: January 14, 2013, 06:46:46 PM »
 
 
 ADDITIONAL WAYNESVILLE CITY FILING


   
ANOTHER FILING HAS BEEN RECORDED IN WAYNESVILLE FOR THE APRIL MUNICIPAL ELECTION. TIM MATTHEWS HAS FILED FOR THE WARD 3 WAYNESVILLE CITY COUNCIL SEAT. JESSIE DEGRAFFENREID HAD PREVIOUSLY FILED IN WARD THREE. OTHER WAYNESVILLE CITY FILINGS INCLUDE BARBARA WALL AND DIANA STANFORD FOR WARD ONE COUNCILMAN, WILLIAM PAOLICELLI (pay-oh-luh-CHEL-lee) HAS FILED FOR WARD TWO COUNCILMAN, , MIKE FRANCE HAS FILED IN WARD FOUR, AND MIKE CURTIS HAS FILED FOR THE UNEXPIRED COUNCIL TERM IN WARD FOUR. From KJPW news

27
Local News / SERIOUS INJURIES IN MARIES CO. WRECK
« on: January 14, 2013, 06:42:15 PM »
 
 
 SERIOUS INJURIES IN MARIES CO. WRECK


   
A VIENNA MAN WAS SERIOUSLY INJURED IN AN ACCIDENT ON HIGHWAY 63, A MILE NORTH OF VICHY IN MARIES COUNTY AT 12:45 SUNDAY AFTERNOON. THE HIGHWAY PATROL REPORTS A 2004 CHEVROLET AVEO DRIVEN SOUTH BY 35 YEAR OLD KENNETH KETCHERSIDE OF VIENNA, RAN OFF THE LEFT SIDE OF THE ROAD AND STRUCK A TREE. KENNETH KETCHERSIDE WAS TAKEN TO PHELPS COUNTY MEDICAL CENTER WITH SERIOUS INJURIES, AND TRANSFERRED TO THE UNIVERSITY MEDICAL CENTER IN COLUMBIA.
From KJPW news

28
Father and two sons died after getting lost hiking overnight in frigid temperatures

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Father and two sons died after getting lost hiking overnight in frigid temperatures






 
 
Comments
2

58


 by Paula Morehouse, KY3 News KY3 News 10:44 p.m. CST, January 13, 2013


REYNOLDS COUNTY -- A father and two of his young sons were found dead Sunday morning after getting lost on a hiking trip in Reynolds County overnight in frigid temperatures, according to Reynolds County Sheriff Tom Bolner.



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The three were on vacation with their family when they went missing.

The dad and his sons set off on a hike Saturday morning from Brushy Creek Lodge in Black, Missouri. When they didn't return later that day, the man's wife reported them missing.

According to Sheriff Bolner, several agencies searched for the three until bad weather forced them to stop looking.

The search was resumed at 7 on Sunday morning. The father and sons were found around 9 a.m. just west of the trail they should have used to return to the lodge, said officers.

Sheriff Bolner said he suspects they got lost in the rain.

The father was pronounced dead at the scene, his boys, ages eight and ten, died at a hospital after several hours of CPR.

The family is from Illinois. No names have been released yet.
http://www.ky3.com/news/ky3-father-a...,7984406.story

29
State News / DWI charges against two, patrol says
« on: January 13, 2013, 10:04:14 PM »


DWI charges against two, patrol says
StoryComments Print Create a hardcopy of this page Font Size: Default font size Larger font size
Posted: Sunday, January 13, 2013 8:13 am | Updated: 8:28 am, Sun Jan 13, 2013.
DWI charges against two, patrol says Houston Herald news@houstonherald.com Houston Herald | 0 comments
Two persons were arrested on DWI charges in Texas County, the Missouri State Highway Patrol.
Tamatha L. Beasley, 45, of Summersville, was arrested Saturday night on charges of felony DWI and failure to drive on the right half of the roadway. She was taken to the Texas County Jail.
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Michael E. Boggs, 24, of Lebanon, was arrested early Sunday on DWI, driving while revoked and careless and imprudent driving charges. He was taken to the Mountain Grove Police Department jail, according to a report

30
Local News / Two suffer injuries in car-horse collision
« on: January 13, 2013, 09:37:24 PM »
 
 
 Two suffer injuries in car-horse collision 
  • Story
 
     Posted: Saturday, January 12, 2013 9:01 pm
Two suffer injuries in car-horse collision From LDR Staff Lebanon Daily Record | 0 comments     Two men were injured early Saturday when the car they were in struck a horse in the road near Competition. Robert W. Vaughn, 47, off Huggins, was driving a 1998 Chevrolet Lumina south on Route Z just south of Alpine Lane at about 2 a.m. when the accident occurred, according to the Missouri State Highway Patrol report. Vaughn received moderate injuries and his passenger, Michael L. Hildebrand, 51, of Falcon, was seriously injured, the report said.
Both were transported to Mercy Hospital Lebanon.
Vaughn was arrested for driving while intoxicated, according to a separate arrest report.
Both men were reported to be wearing their seatbelts at the time of the accident, the accident report said. The MSHP estimates the vehicle to be a total loss. No information about the condition of the horse was included in the report.