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Author Topic: IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER  (Read 1818 times)

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Offline ♥♣ ~Maynard~♣♥

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IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER
« on: November 20, 2011, 12:09:22 AM »

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IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he? WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
(My Favorite) ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
(Another favorite) ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral..
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Remember I'm a nudist so when you respond to one of my post yor talking to a naked man  :)


For entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

Offline Kristi Marie

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Re: IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER
« Reply #1 on: November 20, 2011, 04:24:57 AM »
 !!!@#$%^ !!!@#$%^ !!!@#$%^ !!!@#$%^ !!!@#$%^ :th_181p: :th_181p: :th_181p: :th_181p: :th_181p: :gak: :gak: :gak: :gak: :gak: &^&&( &^&&( &^&&( &^&&( &^&&(

Offline ShowmeHillbilly

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Re: IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER
« Reply #2 on: November 20, 2011, 06:43:06 AM »
Oh I have so heard worse ones than this! LOL
Read a lot of these while I was going to college. It would blow your mind! Just plain stupid! LOL
 
You never know how STRONG you are...until being strong is the ONLY choice you have.
Life Isnt about waiting for the storm to pass...Its about learning to dance in the rain.
Someday someone will walk into your life & make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else!

Offline Hi

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Re: IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER
« Reply #3 on: November 20, 2011, 09:45:33 AM »
haha funny, but remember no matter how stupid some of these questions sound theres 12 people in the box that these questions could cause some doubt in their minds, or might need that much elementary explaining.  I bet there have been times......

Offline Kristi Marie

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Re: IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER
« Reply #4 on: November 20, 2011, 02:42:06 PM »
I have not been lucky enough to be a juror~ but i can just imagine!

Offline demo.dave

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Re: IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER
« Reply #5 on: November 21, 2011, 01:01:12 AM »
I have not been lucky enough to be a juror~ but i can just imagine!

I just got my paper in the mail. Want me to forward it to your address and you can take my spot???







Offline Kristi Marie

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Re: IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER
« Reply #6 on: November 21, 2011, 01:36:24 AM »
Sure Dave! lol

Offline ♥♣ ~Maynard~♣♥

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Re: IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER
« Reply #7 on: November 21, 2011, 02:09:56 AM »
I just got my paper in the mail. Want me to forward it to your address and you can take my spot???
I have never served on a Jury, Or could I ever serve on a Jury.
Remember I'm a nudist so when you respond to one of my post yor talking to a naked man  :)


For entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

Offline ShowmeHillbilly

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Re: IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER
« Reply #8 on: November 21, 2011, 02:47:59 PM »
I did! When I was 24! It was a high profile and we were susqencered (how ever the hell you spell it cause i just got up!) and was on it for 2 weeks and I finally went home! I had a one year old at home with a 3 year old and couldnt take not talking to them or knowing myself how well they were being taken care of cause I was not allowed to call or see them or watch tv or read books yada yada. Now I would love to serve on em now but havent since that time.
 
You never know how STRONG you are...until being strong is the ONLY choice you have.
Life Isnt about waiting for the storm to pass...Its about learning to dance in the rain.
Someday someone will walk into your life & make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else!