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Messages - ♥♥♥Trena♥♥♥

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811
Tell us your favorite Joke / 20 Things you DON'T say to a cop
« on: July 16, 2008, 11:42:00 AM »
Police Jokes
Don't say this to a cop
The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.

20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?

17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

14. Bad cop. No donut.

13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?

10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

9. I pay your salary

8. So uh, you on the take or what?

7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
[/td][/tr][/table]

812
Things that make you go HMMMM / Ponderables #1
« on: July 16, 2008, 11:34:30 AM »
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

813
Tell us your favorite Joke / Biology exam
« on: July 15, 2008, 11:42:53 AM »
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.

The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk,' worth 70 points
or none at all.

One student who had also partied the night before, was hard put to think of
seven advantages.


He wrote:
1.) It is perfect formula for the child.
2.) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3.) It is always the right temperature.
4.) It is inexpensive.
5.) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6.) It is always available as needed.

And then, the student was stuck.
Finally, in desperation, just before the bell indicating the end of the test
rang, he wrote...
7.) It comes in such cute containers.

He got an A

814
Things that make you go HMMMM / Words to live by
« on: July 15, 2008, 11:32:54 AM »
A sharp tongue can cut my own throat
 
If I want my dreams to come true, I mustn't oversleep.

Of all the things I wear, my expression is the most important
 
The best vitamin for making friends..... B1
 
The happiness of my life depends o n the quali ty of my thoughts.
 
The heaviest thing I can carry is a grudge
 
One thing I can give and still keep...is my word.

I lie the loudest when I lie to myself
 
If I lack the courage to start, I have already finished.
One thing I can't recycle is wasted time.
 
Ideas won't work unless ' I ' do.

My mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open
 
The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice
The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime! It is never too late
to become what I might have been.
 
Life is too short to wake up with regret s. So love the people who treat
you right. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens
for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it
changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just
promised it would be worth it.
 
Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them
back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may
not even notice that we've let them fly away. Sometimes we are so caught
up in who's right and who's wrong that we forget what's right and wrong.
Sometimes we just don't realize what real friendship means until it is too
late. I don't want to let that happen so I'm gonna tie you to my heart so
I never lose you. Send this to all your friends including me and see how
many you ge t back. Even send it to your balloons that you think have flown
away forever. You may be surprised to see it return.




 

815
Tell us your favorite Joke / Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders
« on: July 15, 2008, 11:26:24 AM »
EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM . . 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.'

'How much do you charge?'

'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.

'I'll sleep on it,' I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10.  I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup !'

'Is that so! With an attitude he asked and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now ! ! ! '


SCREW THOSE SHRINKS.. GO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER!

816
Tell us your favorite Joke / Re: Cute show & tell story
« on: July 15, 2008, 11:24:46 AM »
adorable

817
Things that make you go HMMMM / Re: Interesting Body Facts Hmmm...
« on: July 15, 2008, 12:11:40 AM »
did you know the medical term for goose bumps is "piloerection". ha ha  That one always got us in EMT class!
I'm studying my husband's thumb from across the room. :)
LOL

818
Things that make you go HMMMM / Interesting Body Facts Hmmm...
« on: July 14, 2008, 08:40:12 PM »
Interesting Human Body Facts
The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and
the smallest is the male sperm.
 A full bladder is roughly the
 size of a soft ball.
It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to
your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
The attachment of human muscles to skin is what causes
dimples.
The average man's penis is three times the length of
his thumb.   
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
If the av erage male never shaved, his beard would be 13
feet long when he died.
Men with hairless chests are more likely to get cirrhosis
of the liver than men with hair.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Side by side, 2000 cells from the human body could cover
about one square inch.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the
brain.
When you are looking at
 someone you love, your pupils
dilate. . . they do the same when you are looking at
someone you hate!
Your ears secrete more earwax when you are afraid than when
you aren't
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are
standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
The average woman is five inches shorter than the average
man.
. . . . . . Still looking at your thumb, aren't you?   

819
Tell us your favorite Joke / Re: The Hangover
« on: July 14, 2008, 06:33:45 PM »
I wish I could JT. I'm not saying all men are bad, just I have had my fair share of them. My husband is wonderful, but the previous relationships..........don't even want to talk about it, lol.

820
Tell us your favorite Joke / Re: Sharp Policeman Has Snappy Comeback
« on: July 14, 2008, 06:19:38 PM »
 &^&&(

821
Tell us your favorite Joke / Re: The Hangover
« on: July 14, 2008, 06:18:16 PM »
Yeah right, like that would ever happen, lol. ::)
 
Would be more like...
"I hope my wife doesn't find out"

822
Tell us your favorite Joke / Re: How to Make Women & Men Happy
« on: July 14, 2008, 06:13:58 PM »
Ain't that the truth! lol  >:D

823
Tell us your favorite Joke / Re: This is hysterical
« on: July 12, 2008, 11:53:30 AM »
good one

824
Tell us your favorite Joke / Re: Sex In The Shower
« on: July 11, 2008, 04:49:55 PM »
 :":":  OUCH

825
Restaurant Opinion / Re: McDonalds(again)
« on: July 11, 2008, 12:18:55 AM »
My two daughters are both wanting a McDonald's Birthday party really badly.  So several days ago I started calling the Waynesville McDonalds.  I worked fast food in my younger days for 2 years and at one time was being groomed for management - so I remember all to well that the management absolutely hated it when the phone would ring right in the middle of a meal rush -- so I tried calling on Sunday, no answer, I called later Sunday no answer, I called Monday 2 times and Tuesday 2 times.  5 of those calls were outside of the rush hours.  2 of those times I left messages but my call was never returned.  The last time I called during the lunch rush and finally got an answer and have booked the party -- but I could not believe they did not answer the phone or return calls.
I had that problem last year.

826
Sneak Peek Sheriff's View / Re: Traffic Stop. A Little Humor
« on: July 10, 2008, 05:02:05 PM »
LOL   

827
He does a great job of rattling Marks chains!! lol But I think Mark enjoys it.

828
Local News / Re: Parent's leave child behind
« on: July 10, 2008, 12:36:08 PM »
All the more reason to take them with you, when possible.

829
Tell us your favorite Joke / Re: Are we having a bad day?
« on: July 10, 2008, 11:26:28 AM »
That's more than just a bad day!! LOL

830
Local News / Re: HE'S HOME!!!!!!!!!Be on lookout!
« on: July 10, 2008, 11:24:05 AM »
Thats great!!

831
Local News / Re: Parent's leave child behind
« on: July 09, 2008, 09:43:24 PM »
Exactly!!

832
Local News / Re: Parent's leave child behind
« on: July 09, 2008, 08:12:57 PM »
 (((((

833
Local News / Re: Parent's leave child behind
« on: July 09, 2008, 07:59:19 PM »
That's what I have to do, they go everywhere with me.

834
Local News / Re: Parent's leave child behind
« on: July 09, 2008, 07:37:37 PM »
There was a story on the Springfield news a couple of days ago where a woman left her two kids in the car while she was in the store shopping. Seems like there a few stories like that every year!

835
Local News / Re: Parent's leave child behind
« on: July 09, 2008, 07:23:49 PM »
I cant imagine.. I used to dream when I was pregnant with my girls that I would misplace one and since then I always double check to make sure. I would maybe be more sympathetic if it was just the mom because being a new mom can make you do things.. but both parents and this isnt the only one they have???? Glad to see their grocery bag was more important.
No kidding, there is no excuse!

836
Pulaski Enquirer / Re: Skype, anyone?
« on: July 09, 2008, 06:25:29 PM »
Aw Trena!  You can talk to me anytime.

:)

837
Local News / Re: Parent's leave child behind
« on: July 09, 2008, 06:23:27 PM »
19 yrs old and 3 kids.  Geez that's the first problem.  I can see forgetting a bag of groceries, forgetting your purse, but never a child.  My son is the 1st thing on my mind at all times. Heck if we go to wal mart without my husband I put my son in the car and lock it, then put my groceries in the trunk, make sure it's still locked and usually put the cart up. (sometimes I don't put the cart up. I know bad, bad woman!! ha ha)
Don't feel bad, unless I park right next to the cart return I don't put my cart up either. I'm not walking away and leaving my baby in the car for nothing!

838
Pulaski Enquirer / Re: Skype, anyone?
« on: July 09, 2008, 06:21:20 PM »
That's cool. If I had someone to talk to I would get it, lol.

839
Pulaski Enquirer / Re: Skype, anyone?
« on: July 09, 2008, 06:11:25 PM »
How was it?

840
Restaurant Opinion / Re: can't we....
« on: July 09, 2008, 06:07:12 PM »
Sounds like a nice place with nice people. I'll have to try it out.

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