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    July 16, 2017, 04:40:28 AM
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  • Valor7: Yes and no. We talked details and options until we were blue in the face but I never heardbring it over, it was always the time was not right for the issue to pass. Glad to see the time in now right and I for one shall vote yes on the ballot. I would urge all others to do the sameour county is busting at the seams crimewise and no matter how many bad guys we send off there always seems to someone to replace them. The Sheriff's Office needs the help.
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Author Topic: A Child's Insight  (Read 564 times)

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Offline matrsnot

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A Child's Insight
« on: February 01, 2009, 04:19:17 PM »

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Through the eyes of a child:


The Children's Bible in a Nutshell


In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing
but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God
is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.

Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they
weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were
driven from the Garden of Eden.

Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have
cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was
Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah,
who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but
one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put
his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join
him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous
than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in
exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a
really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton
Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the
evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These
plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.


God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave
them His Top Ten Commandments.

These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your
neighbor's stuff.

Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy
mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to
use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell
over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a
slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and
500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound
very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.

One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then
barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets,
but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of
The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been
born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the
door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter
of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the
Pharisees and the Democrats.

Jesus also had twelve opossums.

The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named
a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to
some Germans on the Mount.

But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before
Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed
his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.

He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum.
His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.