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Author Topic: problem  (Read 2816 times)

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Offline Kristi Marie

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problem
« on: July 23, 2009, 01:17:38 PM »

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OK here goes~ my son has an 11 pm curfew~ and no company after 9pm.. well that's not working and i'm not going to sleep with a bunch of teenagers I dont know that well in my house~ I very nicely told them several times last nite to leave to no avail~ they finally left at about 3 am~ Now what parent in their right mind is not worried that their 17 year old kid is out that late? and Ive told the same kid if i'm not home not to come in my house~ I know my kids are 19 and 21 but geesh its my house and I don't want anyone in it if i'm not home, this kid does not listen to anything I have to say, so should I talk to his parents? or will this cause a big scene? my 19 year old does not listen very well either~ should I just smack him? HELP!!!

Offline Eden

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Re: problem
« Reply #1 on: July 23, 2009, 01:23:17 PM »
Talking to their parent's won't do any good, for one they are adults. I am nice to start with, then warn my daughter that I am about to cause a scene, she can get them out or I can embarrase the hell out of her when I go off....she usually takes care of it!
"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned"

Offline igahmah at work

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Re: problem
« Reply #2 on: July 23, 2009, 01:26:08 PM »
In the end, it is your son's responsibility to get rid of his friends when you tell him to and to make sure they do not come in the house when you are not at home.  Won't do any good to complain to anyone else if he won't respect your rules.  Sounds like if he is 19, then some tough love is in order.  If he wants to invite people to "his" house and have them stay till 3:00 am, then he will have to get his own house and not impose his friends on you.
When I was young, I wanted to be older.  This is not what I expected!

Offline Geezer Glide Taz

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Re: problem
« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2009, 01:47:12 PM »
I agree, it is not this kids fault, and talking to his parents is not a solution, The problem starts with your kids not respecting you and respecting your wishes. They are the ones bringing these people into your home. I am sure after you told this boy not to come over, they told him never mind, come on over.
21 and 19, time to cut the umbilical cord, and either they start paying rent, and utilities, and I would make them sign a contract, or they need to move out and live their own lives.
I am guessing if they are up until 3 am, they don't have career jobs and are not doing anything productive to support your home. I know it is hard, especially a woman, but it there is no man of the house to lay down the law, you will (pardon the expression) have to grow a pair and do it your self. By forcing them to ship up or ship out is not being mean, it is preparing them for life.
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Offline fknarmyguyretired

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Re: problem
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2009, 01:56:40 PM »
shut the circuit breaker off to the room they are in .............. no music, no tv, no video game  ==  teenagers leave

Offline BigRedHouse

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Re: problem
« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2009, 02:20:30 PM »
Start with your kids...it is your house....show them the door...tell them if they want to party like grown folk...they can get a job like grown folk...if they dont want to follow the rules....warn them not to let the door knob hit them where the goog lord split them as they leave and get thier own place.

Offline wildman

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Re: problem
« Reply #6 on: July 23, 2009, 03:53:49 PM »
Now we know why you never get any sleep. As a last option you could call LE and have them physically removed. Maybe then the next time you told them they would listen.

Offline Jax

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Re: problem
« Reply #7 on: July 23, 2009, 03:57:19 PM »
How about this......

'Son, I will be happy to let you continue to live in this home as long as I feel respected in my own home."

Then it is his problem, not yours. If you don't feel repected put him out. Maybe he can live with the other kid's family.

Offline Kristi Marie

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Re: problem
« Reply #8 on: July 23, 2009, 04:06:13 PM »
he has been all over and just recently started staying here again~ the oldest is job hunting to save up and buy a car~ they have both has their own places before, the last time my 19 yr old had a place he let his dad move in and before long dad kicked him out and kept all of his stuff including dishes furniture and all, now they are afraid of getting their own place~ Well it just looks like i''ll have to let my temper take over and go back to being the B$tch that I"m very good at~ will keep you updated on the turnout!! thanks for the advice!!

Offline CrazedChris

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Re: problem
« Reply #9 on: July 23, 2009, 04:08:29 PM »
Get yourself a cattle prod.  j/k  :)

Offline Geezer Glide Taz

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Re: problem
« Reply #10 on: July 23, 2009, 04:30:58 PM »
he has been all over and just recently started staying here again~ the oldest is job hunting to save up and buy a car~ they have both has their own places before, the last time my 19 yr old had a place he let his dad move in and before long dad kicked him out and kept all of his stuff including dishes furniture and all, now they are afraid of getting their own place~ Well it just looks like i''ll have to let my temper take over and go back to being the B$tch that I"m very good at~ will keep you updated on the turnout!! thanks for the advice!!
Being a good parent, especially to adult kids does not necessarily mean being their best friend. School, TV and nothing else prepares kids to live on the out side. I would like to see some of the basics taught in school, basically running a house hold, what bills come with living on your own, how to balance a checking account (you won't believe how may kids come into the army and still believe that as long as you have checks, you have money).
Yes I know alot of this should be taught at home, but it is not, having a course during their senior year preparing them to live on their own, especially those going to college, would be very useful
Freedom Of Road Riders,
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Offline scubbie

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Re: problem
« Reply #11 on: July 23, 2009, 04:49:44 PM »
There is a class at the high school "Personal finance".  I believe it is a requirement for graduation.

Offline BigRedHouse

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Re: problem
« Reply #12 on: July 23, 2009, 05:46:49 PM »
it is a requirement, but it doesnt teach the practical side.  they learn how to add credit and subtract a debit.  I remember having to carry a checkbook and make additions to it throughout the day...at the end ofthe week it was supposed to balance.  We also had to track stocks in the paper and see if we made and virtual money.  We had to cook, sew, make things out of wood, learn home repairs...etc.  This was all part of a ciriculim that has been twisted into the "no child left behind" act.   they only place they are left is at home not wanting to go anywhere.....just a quick rant becaues i see a lot of kids that have no ability to rely on themselves. 
Taz is right about the checkbook thought process...it is ridiculous.  sadly I have a nephew and niece that have the same thought process.  They have a large inheritance and no reality of how to manage finances.  I had a tlak with them when they were living with thiier grandparents(my parents)....they were also partying all the time and my poor parents (65-70 yrs old) had to deal with it.  My niece is out on her own, and the nephew isnt far behind...the parties are over...it took a few threats and they were not happy, but at least my parents are able to sleep at night now.

Offline igahmah at work

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Re: problem
« Reply #13 on: July 23, 2009, 07:01:35 PM »
No class will teach them how to respect their mother's rules in her house.  She is going to have to "bring the hammer down."
When I was young, I wanted to be older.  This is not what I expected!

Offline Geezer Glide Taz

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Re: problem
« Reply #14 on: July 23, 2009, 07:15:47 PM »
Oh that I agree with. Only way to fix this current problem is to show them the way or show them the door. I know it we can make it sound so easy playing cycper parents here, but I had to do the same thing in our house when TJ thought he was above our rules, so i bought him matching luggage and helped him pack.
Freedom Of Road Riders,
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Please watch out for Motorcycles on the road
The life you save might be mine

Offline jlh

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Re: problem
« Reply #15 on: July 23, 2009, 07:31:38 PM »
Children, no matter what age will disrespect their parent/parents or other adults if they are not taught to respect themselves and others.

Offline wildman

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Re: problem
« Reply #16 on: July 23, 2009, 08:12:06 PM »
I agree with most of the comments here. However, I believe that parents need to earn the respect of their children. I have known parents who did not deserve respect even though they gave birth. By earning the respect of their children I mean not abusing them verbally, physically, or any other way. Training a child how to behave and respect others starts when they are very young and continues. Some children raised in the same home can be totally different from their other siblings. Remember, after the kids leave home you are still a parent and parents tend to have a soft spot and be able to be ran over or controlled.

Offline BigRedHouse

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Re: problem
« Reply #17 on: July 23, 2009, 08:44:15 PM »
my parents always told me....your love i will have to earn...your respect I demand.

Offline Geezer Glide Taz

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Re: problem
« Reply #18 on: July 23, 2009, 08:53:43 PM »
my parents always told me....your love i will have to earn...your respect I demand.
My dad just said "Son, I love you, go get my belt"
Freedom Of Road Riders,
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Please watch out for Motorcycles on the road
The life you save might be mine

Offline BigRedHouse

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Re: problem
« Reply #19 on: July 23, 2009, 08:58:42 PM »
I remember hearing that too...lol

Offline Jax

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Re: problem
« Reply #20 on: July 23, 2009, 10:14:01 PM »
I agree about respect that is why I try to make it clear that the problem is theirs to manage and then enforce consistantly the statements I make about what I will do when they chose what to do with their problem.

If that makes no sense please see my prior post.

Offline tpgunbiz

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Re: problem
« Reply #21 on: July 24, 2009, 04:36:51 AM »
Ive heard on the scanner many times about an "unwanted person". Call the police and have them removed. Once should do it
Biscuit

Offline Eeyore

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Re: problem
« Reply #22 on: July 24, 2009, 05:51:47 PM »
     My Senior year my father took me to the bank and we opened a small checking account.  He put the money in it as these were different times and he did not want us to work during the shool year.   That is my 'allowance' went and not cash in hand. 
     Not a cushy thing by any means-- It was a PRACTICE thing.  And the fear of God was put into me about over drawing.  When this was set up -- yes 'allowance' went up, but they things they actually bought me went down.   So it was a GREAT tool!
    "Hey, hey, hey, hey now.  Don't be mean.  We don't have to be mean. because, remember, no matter where you go, there you are."      - The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai across The Eighth Dimension

Offline OzarkCavs

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Re: problem
« Reply #23 on: September 26, 2009, 10:26:34 PM »
you're just going to have to get some backbone and carry through with what you say.  They are disrespecting you because you are allowing it to happen.  Sorry, but you are the one to blame here, not the kids.

Offline Kristi Marie

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Re: problem
« Reply #24 on: September 27, 2009, 01:19:00 AM »
you're just going to have to get some backbone and carry through with what you say.  They are disrespecting you because you are allowing it to happen.  Sorry, but you are the one to blame here, not the kids.

It's ok I have the problem well in hand now~ thank you all for your advice~ all it took was locking him out a few nites when he was behind curfew~he has no where else to go~ he even helps around the house! thanks again everyone!